Sexual Abuse 3

Some of the behaviors observed in sexually abused are actually sexual in nature.  These include:
1. Confusion of sexual identity - this is different from gender identity.  This confusion is more due to the abuse, for example a female child who was abused while her brother was not.  She may believe that if she had not been female she would not have been abused.  Some girls then try to act as if they are boys, or their idea of what would make them male and therefore safe.  We had a girl who stood to urinate, wanted her hair cut short, and yet none of the measures she took helped her feel safe.  We worked with her on feeling safe, not on changing "boy" behaviors.
2. Sexual acting out - this behavior of course increases the risk of the child being re-abused.  We work with the children on evaluating their choices of clothing, language, method of making friends, choices of music and dance moves to music.
3.  Right along with this is confusion of sex and affection - remembering that one of the 5 Needs is the need for love and belonging it is really clear that the only way to help is to teach the 5 Needs, include the 4 parts of behavior, and evaluate personal choices on a daily basis.
Again, you are welcome to attend the class which will be held at the office June 12th, 6:30-8:30.

Sexual Abuse 2

One of the first things I learned is that, although abused children do not usually identify feelings well, they are overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, betrayal, anger, fear, mistrust and a belief that they have no choices.
Some of the behaviors observed might be:
1.preoccupation - not hearing when their name is called, or a startle reaction when called.
2. keeping quiet - no opinion, avoids  eye contact, doesn't engage in conversation.
3.pathological lying - even when telling the truth would make more sense.
4. overcompliance - fear of not pleasing,
5.running away - actually in older teenagers this is one of the most common behaviors.
 These behaviors are the beginning of the list.  I will add more tomorrow.  If you would like more discussion just let me know and I can elaborate on any.

some info about sexual abuse

When we took or first children we knew nothing about sexual abuse.  When we began to see sexualized behaviors in small children we were more than shocked.  I asked our social workers and probation officers about what we were observing.  Everyone told us we weren't seeing what we were most certainly seeing.
I went to the university library and searched for books on the subject.  I found one book on incest, but that book claimed it was a problem with displaced persons in New York City.  I knew I wasn't crazy, and that I was really observing sexual behaviors in small children.
One of my professors suggested I keep track of my observations, and also, of the interventions I did, which ones helped the children.  I did just that, and I teach a class on sexual abuse every-other month for my  agency.
The month of June that class will be June 12th, from 6:30 - 8:30.  If you are interested in attending, call the office at 916/489-5316, and make a reservation.  If you would like some of the materials, although some of the visuals I cannot fax or email, I will be glad to share with you.  Just let me know.
More tomorrow.

Foster Parent Training

Tonight we had our monthly foster parent training.  Each one of our social workers takes a turn presenting the topic.  Tonight it was on empathy - how to develop and encourage it in children of all ages.  It was a helpful presentation and discussion.  I love to attend that meeting, even though it is one more meeting to go to,  because I am in the company of such great people.
Our agency is small by most standards, because it is hard for people to be as committed to training and team work as our people are.  We have babysitting for the children while our training is on.  We begin with a potluck dinner, and the children join us for that part.  I was impressed that when the children came in they got their dinner and sat down with their social worker.
Does that seem surprising to you?  It happens because our social workers are on the same team with our foster parents and foster children.  There is no, "Your social worker is coming, hurry up and clean that mess up".  There are no secrets from the social workers, nothing to hide.
I will say it again - it is a pleasure to work with people who are as passionate and sold on what they do as I am.
Thanks guys!

More about change

Most of the children who come to the group home system are angry.  Very angry.  Children come into the foster system because something went wrong in their family, and it could be something like mom has cancer and needs treatment and no family member is available to take the children.  It could be because of neglect or abuse.  Children come to the group home system due to bad behavior.
The children will tell you they don't belong in a group home, but they all get there the same way - bad behavior.
Our job in the group home is to help the child see what they need to change, and give them the tools to change.  There is that scary word again - change,
So, through fits, violence, bad language, threats of harm to staff, suicide attempts and even running away, the staff work to help the children make a better choice, and CHANGE.
Then we work with their teams to help the natural family return them to the family if that is a viable choice, we work with their teams to find viable foster homes, or guardianship families, or adoptive families.
Atkinson Family Services is changing again to help us work with the county teams and as many people involved with a child as possible to shorten the amount of time in a group home and get them into a more permanent situation.
More about change to come.

Change

Our daughter, Jill, decided early on that her mantra would be "Change is good".  I always hated change - I don't even like to re-arrange my furniture.  Nevertheless, change happens, and there is nothing we can do to stop it,
We are, in fact, changing.  We started out as "Atkinson Group Home", and then when we were more than one group home that name didn't seem fitting.  So, we changed to "Atkinson Youth Services", and that worked well for quite a while.  Recently, we could see that that name limited us, and didn't say what we are really interested in or what we actually do.  So, now we are "Atkinson Family Services".
Change continues.  Originally we were family group homes, and that worked wonderfully well for over 20 years.  However, times change and family group homes weren't viable any more, so we had to change again.  We have moved our structure to group homes with 6 children, a ratio of 2:6 staff along with an administrator and a social worker who work very hard to keep the family value and feel in the group homes.
Change continues.

Anniversary Surprise

Friday was an amazing day for Jim and I.  We went to the office as usual for our usual Friday Social Worker meeting, but it was anything but normal.  As Cesar opened the door many people yelled, "Surprise".  We also heard, "Congratulations".  We just stood there, dumbfounded.  We had no idea what all the hoopla was about!  Then they told us, it was the 30th anniversary of when we first incorporated and became the beginnings of Atkinson Family Services.
We also had another very nice event that day.  Our good and faithful friend, Paul Robbins, of FOX 40 morning news came to present a check from the proceeds of his book, "Did Sid".  The proceeds will go to help us complete the furnishings in the Behavioral Health Clinic area of our new building.
There is not much better than working with people who are passionate about what they are doing, and each appreciates the other for what they do.  We are so blessed to be able to work with people like this, and we thank God.
We would like to find more people who are passionate about foster children and would like to join with us as foster parents.  It is so great to belong to such as agency as we have.