This is a pivotal point in our program. First, let me explain what punishment is. Punishment is the random act of the punisher to correct the child who broke the rules of the punisher. Punishment and reward are two sides of the same coin, and both depend on two things: that the child cares about the punishment/reward, and that the punisher/rewarder is present.
When one of my children was in kindergarten she changed teachers 3 times. When I went to her class to observe she was coloring a picture. She was holding the crayon with a fist. The teacher came by and placed 6 M&M's on her desk. She ignored them and continued coloring. At home she would have eaten them in one swoop. The teacher asked her what she was supposed to be doing. "Coloring", she replied. "What color is the bunny's dress supposed to be?" she asked. "It's green now", the child replied. "What are you supposed to be doing now?' she asked. The child replied, "I don't know about you, but I'm coloring." "But what are you supposed to be doing?" The child sighed, picked up the sissors and paper, cut the 4 corners off, replaced the paper and continued to color. The teacher came by and removed the M&M's. The child looked at me. "See", she said, "She gives them and she takes them away.
This was the lesson she taught me. She did not care about the person handing out the punishment, nor did she care about the reward/punishment.
Reward is appreciated when there is nothing expected in return. Your relationship is the only thing that is really meaningful to the child. You can impose your will on someone else, but you may harm the relationship in doing so.
Tomorrow we'll talk about the consequence model.
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