Learning something new

In the Leadership Simple model we have a leadership model that will also be adaptable in teaching staff and children how to build better relationships.  The first thing we have to do is get a picture of what we want.  We will all be working on identifying that very thing.  Then we need to see ourselves in our world.  If you would like to come along with us we will have a training at the corp. office from 10 to 2:00 Monday, Nov 10th.
One of the things we learned to do was to draw a circle on a page of paper.  Place a dot in the center of the circle, and call that dot yourself.  Then ask yourself what can you control.  It may not seem that you have control over much, but take a look at the rest of the circle.  Call that your area of influence.  You can only control you, yourself,   but your influence can reach wide.  The area outside the circle you have no control or influence at all.  Therefore, concentrate on what you can control and where you can make a contribution.

Feedback and criticism

The difference in the way we choose to evaluate will show in the results.  In the past, before we knew Choice Theory, we used what was called then, "Constructive Criticism".  Dr. Glasser called that phrase the most offensive oxymoron of all.  What about the result?  Those on the receiving end had to stuff their thoughts and feelings, and I doubt anyone had any idea of how to make things "more right".
At Atkinson Family Services we work very hard at learning and using evaluation, both individually and in our groups.  We use feedback and evaluation; which reports what happened or what was left out.  We use this information to make a better plan.  Everyone feels good about that.
Criticism, on the other hand places a value judgement on the situation and/or persons involved. Nothing improves under those circumstances.  No one knows how to make things better.
  We are using a Choice Theory book called LEADERSHIP SIMPLE, by Steve and Jill Morris.You can find more information on their website; ww.choiceworks.com.

What a week!

As you may know, we have been working on our accrediation for a year.  We completed our first review, and then two weeks later we had our office opening celebration.  Our people really worked hard to have everything ready.  We were proud of our accomplishments, although our building wasn't really completed.
The priest from Our Lady of Assumption church came and blessed our building and later the pastor from the Roseville Seventh Day Advantist church also gave a wonderful blessing for our building and our business.
It was a wonderful time of reflection and thankfulness for the people who work with us, for the children we work for, and the job we all feel we are called to do.

Punishment vs. consequences 2

Punishment and reward equal an external locus of control.  In order for punishment to exist someone has to stage it.  Consequences, on the the other hand, equal known outcomes, positive and negative.  We like to have the children help make the rules, and with them, assign the consequences.  It is always amazing to us that the children are often harder on offenders than we would have been.  Consequences always have known rules and known outcomes, they are not delivered at the whim of another person.
What we are trying to establish is rules that will ensure the safety, respectful living environment, and opportunity for growth, happiness, and the ability for each child to fulfill their 5 needs.
Did your parents ever tell you "It isn't what you do when I"m looking that I am interested in, it is what you do when I'm not looking that I am interested in."?  That is what an internal locus of control looks like.  Consequences allow a person to develop internally a belief system in which they can evaluate their behavioral choices and, and therefore control them.

Consequences vs. punishment

This is a pivotal point in our program.  First, let me explain what punishment is.  Punishment is the random act of the punisher to correct the child who broke the rules of the punisher.  Punishment and reward are two sides of the same coin, and both depend on two things:  that the child cares about the punishment/reward, and that the punisher/rewarder is present.
When one of my children was in kindergarten she changed teachers 3 times.  When I went to her class to observe she was coloring a picture.  She was holding the crayon with a fist.  The teacher came by and placed 6 M&M's on her desk.  She ignored them and continued coloring.  At home she would have eaten them in one swoop.  The teacher asked her what she was supposed to be doing.  "Coloring", she replied.  "What color is the bunny's dress supposed to be?" she asked.  "It's green now", the child replied.  "What are you supposed to be doing now?'  she asked.  The child replied, "I don't know about you, but I'm coloring."  "But what are you supposed to be doing?"  The child sighed, picked up the sissors and paper, cut the 4 corners off, replaced the paper and continued to color.  The teacher came by and removed the M&M's.  The child looked at me.  "See", she said, "She gives them and she takes them away.
This was the lesson she taught me.  She did not care about the person handing out the punishment, nor did she care about the reward/punishment.
Reward is appreciated when there is nothing expected in return.  Your relationship is the only thing that is really meaningful to the child.  You can impose your will on someone else, but you may harm the relationship in doing so.
Tomorrow we'll talk about the consequence model.

Attitude vs. Behavior

We hear about "Attitude" all the time.  Especially in working with teenagers, everyone wants to talk about their attitude.  Adults want to punish or consequent children for their bad attitudes.
We don't use the attitude word.  We talk about behavior.
First of all, in our level system we have to use measurable things - what you can see or hear, what you can say you saw some one do or not do.  We have listed all the behaviors we are interested in, such as got up, made bed, ate breakfast, and etc on through the day.  Each behavior is evaluated through the view of prompt, participate, and appropriate.
So often an adult is frustrated by the child's bad attitude, but there is no winning that battle, for either the child or the adult.  However, if we are measuring as stated above, then all the outcomes are measurable and the child can discuss only if they did or didn't measure up to the standard.
Once a child has made enough mistakes to loose a level, they can scream, throw a fit, or whatever, but the fact remains.  Now all they have to do is learn how they can fix the mistake.
The process is that, first, they take responsibility for their behavioral choice.  Second, they talk about what place in the problem they could have made a different choice.  Last, they offer a solution, and when they will begin to use that solution.
Children and adult evaluate every evening, and as often as necessary during the day.  I hope you can understand why we use only behavior.  

Believing and Behaving

We have been working towards an accreditation with a nationally known company COA)
 that will put our agency with the best in the nation.  We have worked very hard for the past year to make the changes that we knew we would have to make.  We had one great thing to start with: great employees, and a great board of directors.
Believing something and acting on what you believe really says a lot about who you are.  Today we really saw that at work as we sat down with our COA evaluators and listened to what they thought of our Agency  While we will have corrections to be made, what was exciting to me is that they took note of the evidence that every employee understood what we  believe in and act upon those beliefs.  They saw that each person, from the children all the way through management, and even to the members of the board of directors feel safe, respected, and valued.
That is the best thing we ever heard.  Jim and I have held those ideals in high regard since we gave birth to our own children in 1963 and 1964, and since we took our first foster child in 1968.
We were blessed for the celebration of our 50th anniversary, and again when our employees and foster parents surprised us with the celebration of the 30th anniversary of our Agency, and again today when were told of the greatness of our children, employees from  management and the board of directoes to on line childcare counselors.
The COA evaluators have worked with many other agencies such as ours, and for them to see the wonderful spirit and commitment of our people is just the best news ever!