Setting up the challenge

In order to set up the challenge we have to  keep in mind what it is we are trying to accomplish.  My thought was to give the children a challenge that would help them; 1) discover their ability to place ideals in their quality world, and 2) develop the behaviors that will show them they have the control to satisfy their ideals.
We will have to have several conversations about the quality world, what goes in it, as well as how we can place something new in it.  We will also have to decide what the criteria is that will equal success.  How many chances should they get, what is the "deal breaker", how could they handle making a mistake.
The final goal is for the children to recognize negative behaviors, correct them, and diminish negative behaviors from their lives.
More thoughts tomorrow.

21 days idea

All my life I have heard of the idea that if you practiced any habit for a minimum of 21 days that habit would be yours for life.  Recently I saw some people discussing this idea and they said it changed their life.  The challenge was to make no negative comments, use no negative language, and make no complaints for 21 days.
I would like to start with group home 1. I want to call a meeting with all the staff and girls, then I would place six- one hundred dollar bills and on the table with a purple hair tie band on it.  Any of the girls who accept the challenge would take the purple band and place it on their left wrist.  Any time they feel like swearing or complaining, or making a negative comment they can give themself a prompt by changing the band to the other wrist.
Anyone who accepts the challenge, and makes it through the 21 days will get one of the hundred dollar bills. The person doesn't have to be perfect, but has to have made a significant change in their verbalizing negative thoughts and ideas.
What we know is that unless the person puts the idea of whatever they are trying to change in their quality world it will be useless to try.  The person accepting the challenge will have to have some support, and that would be the place of the staff, administrator and social worker.  It would be really great if the girls could support each other.
I am not wanting a reward system.  I want to use the challenge theme so well used by others as a fund raiser, only we are using it to challenge children to make significant improvements in their thinking and doing, I would love to hear your ideas.  More tomorrow.

Guardian of the rules

Yesterday we talked about working with difficult children.  Today I want to expand on that subject.  Although we work on teaching choice, evaluation, taking responsibility and making a better choice, we also have a written system of approaching the subject on a daily basis with the children. That system is called a level system, and it is a system of discipline rather than a one of punishment.  Discipline is known, written, consistent method of choice and consequence.  Punishment is at the whim of the punisher and it's success depends on two things:  the child cares about the punishment or reward, and that the punisher/rewarder is present.
The level system must be administered without bias, emotion, manipulation; for example, if you say x = y, then consistently when x is chosen, y will be the consequence.  Such a system will not work if along with the consequence you yell, threaten, call names, etc.  Also, the system will not work if you keep changing the rules or the consequences.
Tomorrow I will talk about negotiation, which is another good tool in our system.

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Bad behavior - what can we do?

In the group homes we have many rules that we have to abide with if we want to work with the children in the system.  It does make handling difficult behaviors even more challenging than it was before we got all those rules.  For example, we are not allowed to lock up any food, and the children are allowed to help themselves.  It is concerning when one of our diabetic children gains 20 in 3 months.  I don't want to vent all the things that make our more and more difficult.  I want to share how our terrific staff have continued to dedicate themselves to the job at hand, and develop ever more creative ways to work with entitled children who don't have to follow the rules.

So, what can we do?  We can stand firm, and challenge the children's thinking, and the choice of behaviors.  We can ask if they are getting what they want, or are they getting consequences? In real estate the slogan is, "location, location, location."  In working with children it is, "talk, talk, talk".  The more time you spend with them, the more encouragement, the more challenges, the more you hold the consequences you can by law hold, the better your relationship with the children will be.

We are proud of those well-trained staff who hold the line, maintain professional boundaries, and love kids, regardless of their behavior.  YES, we do experience change in their behaviors, and it makes it all worth it.

Training

We, at Atkinson Family Services are serious about training.  I am proud of our people because they attend the training when we set it up.  We are currently working on our process to become accredited with the Coalition on Accreditation (COA).  This will place us in the ranks of the finest agencies working to provide quality out-of-home care.
We have been working to be sure that all our employees and foster parents know and understand the laws and rules and are able to abide by those laws and rules.
This is such a huge undertaking because we are learning a new Glasser training and have required manditory training for all to bring everyone up to date in that area.  Although everyone is "training weary" they were troopers and enthusiastically participated.
Thanks, Atkinson Family Services employees and Foster Families!!  You are truely the BEST.

Dedicated foster families

It really blesses my heart when we can graduate one of the group home children to some part of their biological family.  It also really blesses my heart when one of the group home children graduates to one of our foster families.  We have graduated at least a dozen children to such situations this year.
We have really done our job when we can graduate a child, and we all rejoice.  When a foster family steps up to continue helping a child by offering their family to that child we have completed the job by filling this need.
Problem is, we are ready to graduate children and do not have enough foster families ready.  We sure would like to hear from you.  We will support you, educate you, and help cover your costs.  Give us a call because some terrific children are waiting.

7 connecting vs. 7 dis-connecting habits

Want to build those great relationships?  There are days in which you will think the only way to fix things is a good swat, a dose of soap in the mouth, a week or two of restriction, etc, etc.  I am here to tell you it may work for a minute, but it will never build a good relationship.
The seven deadly habits that will kill a relationship are:
criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control (bribe).
The seven connecting habits that will heal and build a relationship are:
supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating all differences.
All the seven deadly habits are easy to do.  We have been schooled in them all our lives, and it is hard to convince ourselves that they are a problem in our lives and relationships.
The connecting habits are hard to learn, and difficult to do when we are battling the influence of the seven deadly habits. What we teach the children to do is to make a plan, something to DO, not stop doing.  Start replacing one of the seven deadly with one of  seven connecting habits.
When will you start?

Children and the "Quality World"

Remember a while ago we talked about the quality world?  To refresh your mind, we hold all the things that give us pleasure:  the people we most want to have relationships with, the things we most want to interact with, and the ideals or beliefs we hold most dear.
Children begin building their quality world at birth, and add to it their whole life. Over time, if a child is frustrated in meeting any of the pictures in their quality world they begin to act out.  They choose behaviors that seem reasonable to them at the time.  Dr. Glasser tells us that all behavior is meaningful and purposeful, and that it is the best we could think of at the time.
The more thought you give to your children's quality world, and the more you help them find what matches their pictures, the better their behavior will  become.
The second thing you can do to help mend behavior is build a good relationship.  One of the most important needs is the need for love and belonging; therefore, the better your relationship, the better they will feel.