Glasser and the "Well raised child"

Dr. Glasser teaches that the best way to begin the task of parenting is with the most general picture possible.  For example, in his book "Take charge of your life", he says, "we want them to be warm and loving; hardworking and financially prudent; careful about their health,(we especially don't want them to use drugs); moral and law-abiding; and both caring and respectful of their friends, family and family friends."  To me, the what question you want to ask yourself is more about what choices are my children making, and are they coming from his/her heart and mind or mine?
I have learned that the most important thing we can want for our children is for them to have a good foundation in love and respect, the ability to fulfill their five needs, and the ability to problem solve and negotiate.  What do you think?

Thinking about "What" Questions

In our in-service this week the staff was talking about how the house parent gets the children calmed down so easily.  The question was, "What is she saying when she is calming them down?"  Here are some of the things she says:  "Is the behavior you are choosing going to help you feel better?"  "If you never change what you are doing, will things ever get better for you?" " What were you trying to get when you chose that behavior?"
When one of the girls was particularly confrontational with her, she asked, "What's my job?"  The answer was, "Safety, helping me with my program, helping me learn good choices."  "So", she said, "Can I help you with these things if you argue with me when I am doing my job?"  The child stopped swearing and worked with the house parent.
We had a discussion about asking the questions, and how calming they are, and how they set the scene for a safe and respectful environment.  It was a great learning moment for all.  The lesson is, don"t give up, keep practicing.

Annual Kickball Tournament

Atkinson Family Services is holding its annual kickball tournament Sunday, July 27th, 9am, at 5601 Winding Way, Carmichael.  For more information, call the office at 916/489-5316.  We would love to have participation from anyone who is part of  AFS, or support from community members.
Everyone in the agency participates, regardless of age or size, and as they say, a good time was had by all.

Help wanted

Today I talked to a frantic, worn out mom.  She has 3 children, two of which are special needs.  Her question was, when does a parent listen to their heart, when to listen to their children, when to listen to their friends and family, and when to listen to the experts.  I have often had this war myself.
It's easy to judge when you're not the one it's happening to.  It's also easy to be crushed by all the opinions when you are the one responsible for the decisions.
What advice do you have for her?  Any wisdom you can offer?

Training

We really believe in training, and work very hard at providing quality training for our staff, families, and community members.  Jim and I keep up on our training, and enjoyed our 5 days at the Glasser International Convention.
Cesar and I are offering a new Glasser training next week, Thursday, July 24th.  We would like to start with our administrators, social workers and house managers.  However, anyone is invited and we would like to include you.  Just call the  office at 916/489-5316.

Relationships

Looking back I never could have predicted what kind of relationships we would all have with each other.  Our children for the most part consider each other siblings.  The girls that were raised together help each other and really treat each other as sisters.  I am constantly surprised and pleased as I see them advise each other, support each other, and attend each others' birthdays and the birthdays of their children.
Often the older girls reach out to the younger ones, and the younger ones back to them.  Our son Jay has been big brother to so many of them, and would help any family member that needed him.
Many of our children remember staff that worked with them when they were young, and follow them on face book and other social media.
Sometimes we hire past clients, and they even work under a "sister".  Several of our grown daughters are still involved  with their CASA workers.
People often think of Jim and I as a blessing.  Now I ask you, who got blessed?   I'm quite sure it was us!

Good to be home

Jim and I took the 3 girls and met Steve and Nancy and their 2 girls in Orlando to spend 2 weeks in Disney World, surrounding area attractions, and other sights in Orlando,  Then Jim and I flew to Toronto for our annual Glasser convention, and the others flew home.  We got to visit with one of our daughters and her husband from Georgia.  That was a wonderful time.
Jim and I met Suzi, Cesar and their son in Toronto where we spent 4 days in learning and sharing with other Glasser participants.  It was a great time of learning.
One of the most valuable things we did for our children was to take them on vacations.  We drove those kids all over the U.S.  We took the our own children, our nieces, group home children, the staff, along with some of our other grandchildren.
It has long been a joke in the Agency about our vacations because when I proposed the next years' vacation to Jim, he would always say, "We can't do that."  I would always answer, "Of course we can", and proceed to plan the vacation.  We wouldn't have traded a single one.  No matter how difficult the kids might have been, we believed they needed the opportunity to see beyond their life, beyond their problems, and understand there were options.