How we establish our Quality World

In order for things to enter and remain in our quality world, they must be experienced as feeling very good at the time.  You are the only person who can place something in your quality world picture.  Those pictures you choose will remain forever, unless you choose to change the picture.  It is very difficult to change a picture once it is in your quality world, even if it is now causing you pain.  

For example, I once had a girl who's mother had died.  She was so devastated by this event that she could not accept her life, and tried to commit suicide.  When she returned from the hospital, and we had a discussion about her 5 Needs, and how she could choose to fill them, she discovered that the real problem was that she didn't want to fill any needs without her mother.  Knowing that the memory of her mother was very powerful and the picture of her mother so need-fulfilling, we looked at the quality world pictures she had of her mother.  There are 3 things you can do with your pictures; keep it and continue to try to fill it, modify it, or take it out.  She decided she would keep the picture and add to it.  She invited me to be her mother, and thus modify the picture to include a second mom.  

We made a book of memories of her mom, so her fear of forgetting her would be taken care of.  Then we made a second memory book of our time together.  She worked with her therapist on this project also, and together she made realistic goals and put satisfying pictures in her quality world.

 Again, it is difficult to make changes in your quality world, but it is possible.  In foster care, it is important for the child and whole team to work together for the best possible outcome.