Rules for Fair Fighting

This is not from Choice Theory.  Until you have practiced all that you have learned it may be necessary to just post these rules for fair fighting.  Jim always wanted to call them "Rules for Effective Problem Solving". but before you know how to problem solve you need to know how to disagree without harming their relationships.  I have used these rules for many years, simply because it takes time to teach the 5 needs, the 4 parts of behavior, and the language we use.  Some of these rules come from NA and AA, but most are just common sense.

1.  No physical action - it's hard to reason with someone you are trying to force your will on.
2.  No yelling - it's hard to reason with someone you are intimidating.
3.  No name calling - a person who spilled the milk doesn't need to be called clumsy - he already          knows.
4.  No blame - "it never helps to assign a bad guy.
5.  No excuses - "I only", "I just", "but I", or "because" are all excuses
6.  I statements only - no other person's name is acceptable unless that person is present.
7.  No one else's name may be used, "Suzie did it".
8.  One person talks at a time, everyone will get a turn.
9.  No putting someone down - rolling eyes, sneers, other body language "put downs".
Here is the good news!  Once you have all this other stuff out of the way, you can solve the problem.  That problem will almost always be something like, "I felt left out", "My feelings were hurt", "I was embarrassed". "I felt betrayed".
It takes time for children to feel safe enough to share real feelings, but if you adhere to these simple rules you can do it.